A Miracle....

So it has been 2 years since I last posted. I feel sort of like I felt when I quite piano.. I knew I would regret it... but stopped anyway. I feel bad that there has been little record of the last 2 years... hopefully I will be able to do some catch up when I go to get this printed someday... 

But we have a very good reason to start blogging again. Our lives are about to change... so very much! 

After Years of trying... 6 to be exact. 4 rounds of in-vitro.. and every other infertility treatment possible. We are expecting a baby... a baby boy. In just a couple of weeks. 

The story must be told.... it is just to good to not tell.. so here we go! 

We were trying to adopt. After our last Round of in-vitro in February of 2011 we felt total closure. We knew we had done all we could to have a child on our own. We felt like Adoption was the right path for us at that point. So we started the process. Side note... I hate it when people say "just adopt". Like "oh we are Just going to adopt." Worst thing ever! Adopting is a very involved process.. very emotional... and very expensive! 

Anyway. We were trying to adopt through LDS Family services. We were having a good experience with them.. but we were told on average it would take about 2 years. So we hunkered down for the long haul!  We had a few leads. And we would follow up on anything we heard about. But we were a year in and hadn't had any real solid leads yet. 

In June of 2012 we got a call from a case worker. She had given our information to a woman she thought we would be good match with and the Woman had picked us out of a group of adoptive families. We had essentially been chosen by a birth mother. The adoption would not be through  LDS family services. And would be quite expensive. But we felt like it was more that worth it... and we were going to make it happen. And the baby was going to be coming in a short 6 weeks. 

We started the process. Filled out paperwork. Got the money together... A LOT of Money.. 25,000 to be exact. And we spoke to the birth mother's mother. She LOVED us. Things were looking good. And we were so excited. After speaking to the birth family we sent off the check to the agency. And were just waiting for the Birth Mother to confirm with the agency that she for sure wanted us. She had already told us that.. but she had to tell the case worker still. We were a little confused that is was taking her a few days.. but our case worker reassured us that there was nothing to be worried about. The weekend came and went. 

On Monday morning I was sitting at my desk working.... and I had a thought. Clear as day. That I should take a pregnancy test. I could not get the thought out of my head. Then I felt the baby move. I knew what it was... but I didn't believe it. I later told Scott that I felt a baby move... we basically both laughed at the possibility and dismissed it. But I did send my case worker the following email... 

 "I know this sounds dumb.. but I think I should probably take a pregnancy test.. I am sure I am not pregnant. But just to make sure! I will take one tonight."

I didn't take one that night. Taking pregnancy tests have not been the best of experiences for me over the years... and I really just NEVER take them.. too painful. Anyway.. I didn't take on that night. we were busy.. went out to eat with family... shared news of our adoption with them... and anyway it got pushed to the side. 

The next day I ran by Target in the afternoon and got the cheapest test I could fine. I ran in the door. Scott was home. I think my words went something like this.... " I am going to take this stupid test.. just so I can get this annoying thought out of my mind" 

The test was immediately positive. In fact.. the Pregnant line appeared before the control line. It was unbelievable.  I yelled for Scott. He came.. I asked him If I was reading the test properly...  He then proceeded to tell me that those tests didn't work.. poor guy has been brainwashed by years of in-vitro!  I then explained to him that it was almost impossible to have a false positive when you are not doing invitro. He sat on our bed stunned. Speechless.  There really are no words to describe what were were experiencing. I proceeded to tell Scott that not only was I pregnant. But I was VERY far along... I thought about 19 weeks. And I could feel the baby moving as we were speaking. It was shocking... 

We called the Case worker.. told her to not cash the non refundable check. And took some time to soak it all in... oh and I called Nicki. I had to tell someone. I needed validation. That this was really happening. A couple hours later I took another test. It also was positive. 

We decided to hold off on telling family. We wanted to have everything confirmed before we did. And since it was 5:30 in the evening there was no chance of getting that done until the next day.  The next morning I called all the Dr's offices I knew of. And got the first appt that could do an ultra sound. Scott and I were together. It was so surreal.  We told the midwife our story. She said well lets just take a look so we know for sure. She did a bedside ultra sound.. first words out of her mouth.. oh that is a big baby! 

We were having a baby. We could see the baby. Not a small little egg... or a follicle that could potentially be a baby. But an actual baby.  Best feeling ever. 

She arranged for an ultrasound to find our dates and find out the gender. 



It was a boy

I was 19 weeks and 5 days

We were due Nov 16th

Pregnant with baby Cooper 20 weeks

Did I have symptoms? How could I not know? 

I did. I had all the symptoms. I was sick. I was tired. I had just started a new medication and attributed it to that. I was starving. Trying to diet and being totally unsuccessful. I remember being annoyed at a feeling I was having in my lower stomach.. almost a twitching. On more than one occasion thinking what the heck is wrong with my stomach! I was getting fat in my stomach. Not so much gaining weight.. just a big belly.  I am not sure how to describe it. Its hard to understand. But to me after all these years all those symptoms do not equate to pregnancy. I just never let my mind go there. So there I was.. 4.5 months in. Not knowing I had been pregnant for so long. 

It was so crazy. 

We told Abby that afternoon. She did her laugh cry thing. It was adorable. She was thrilled. 

We told both our parents when they got home that evening. Followed by our siblings. Everyone was very emotional. And again very much in shock. 

We decided not to adopt in addition to having our son. We knew that was the right thing for us. We knew how hard it was to not be able to have children and be waiting to adopt. We wanted someone else to have the opportunity. It was for sure the right decision in our case. 

We remained in Shock for quite sometime. I would say at least 6 weeks. Neither of us could believe it. We are now 35 weeks. 4 weeks from seeing our baby boy. We are so excited. I can't wait to hold him. To love him. To care for him. To see Abby as a big sister. And to see Scott as a Dad to a little boy. 

His name is going to be Cooper Jay Wood. After his Grandfathers. 

He is a miracle. I know that. All children are. But Abby and Cooper. They are my personal miracle. Direct from my Heavenly father. I am not sure that I am deserving of all the blessings that I have in my life. But I am doing all I can to enjoy it. Every step of the way. Every movement. I want to feel it. Every pain or uncomfortable feeling I have had. I want to be there. Present. Taking it all in. It may never happen again. I know that better that anyone.  It has been the best 16 weeks ever. I feel so grateful. 

Cooper has been very active. He moves so much! He loves his sissy already. Moving on cue from her almost from the very beginning. Abby felt him move for the first time about a week and a half after we found out. And Scott felt him a couple days later. He is a big baby... they are thinking that full term he will be 10 lbs. Weighing 6 lbs at his 33 week ultrasound. He has a two vessel cord. Scares me to death. But I am just praying we are in the 75% that are virtually unaffected by it. Praying he is ok. 

Can't wait to have a baby again. This is the best thing ever! LOVE him. LOVE Scott. LOVE Abby. LOVE my Family. And so grateful to a  Heavenly Father who is allowing me to experience this all again. 

25.5 weeks

 27.5 weeks

32 weeks