The results

I am so sorry that I have not gotten on here and told everyone what the official results of the invitro were. I have actually known what it was for a little while .... every time I started to write the blog entry I just couldn't do it. I guess I was dreading disappointing everyone. So the results were negative. It didn't come as a huge surprise to me. I bled for 3 days and then I just sorta knew. Scott and I are both taking the news pretty well. It was hard for a few days but by the time we got the official results I think we had both pretty much accepted the outcome.

It is still very hard to understand and make sense of why we are having to go through this. So I have stopped trying. We both very much feel as though we are going to have another baby again someday. And we will keep trying until it happens. I am so grateful for all the thoughts and prayers of all of you. I have truly felt them lift me up when I felt the very most down. I cannot even tell you how many calls I have gotten from people who care for our family so much. People I have not talked to in years have poured out their love and support for us. Thank you all so much for everything. It truly has made all the difference.

I have moments where I feel as though Heavenly Father is with-holding a blessing from us.. but then I realize he is truly blessing us every moment. It is because of him that we can go through this whole process and then not fall to pieces when after so many sacrifices, we found out it didn't work. Scott and I both had total faith that it could work.. and it didn't. But we both know that there must be some reason why this is not what is in store for us at this time. We may never know why, but we know there must be some reason.

We have a plan as to where we are going to go from here.. I will be sharing it with you all as it comes.... but until then, I am feeling so grateful to have the family that I do. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I didn't already have Abby and we had gone to this extent to try and have a baby and it didn't work, that would be absolute torture. She is such a joy and really is what makes the whole process bearable and more than worth it. She is a constant reminder that Heavenly Father does love us and truly did bless us when we were given her to raise. I am going to relish in every moment as I enjoy being her mother. I love her so much.

So here we are..... after 3 weeks away from home, 35 self administered shots, 14 blood draws, 5 vaginal ultrasounds, 2 rounds of valium, more medications than I can count, gallons, of gatorade, many blessings and countless hours of thoughts and prayers... still not pregnant. But we end the process with a sincere knowledge that heavenly father does have a plan for all of us. He loves us and can help us get through anything he puts in front of us. Thanks again to all of you for everything!