Ready or Not

Can I ever really be ready to leave my sweet Abby for 3 weeks? I don't really think so! But ready or not here I go! I know there have been so many of you who are curious about what is going on with us and our IVF adventure. I leave for Texas this Thursday and I start treatments on Friday. I am so excited to start this process that we have been planning for what seems like so long. I have been so anxious lately but I find my anxiousness is mostly founded in the anticipation of missing my wonderful family and my wonderful life back at home. I have been surprised at how my mind has been put at ease regarding the actual treatments and the success or failure of the treatment. I can only attribute this to being a direct answer to prayers. My own, and many others. Because of this I have been able to treasure every moment that I have been able to spend with Abby and not have to worry about being bogged down with fear. I thank my Heavenly Father for such a wonderful gift. It is the greatest that he could have given me at this time.

There have been many times in the last few weeks that I have held my sweet Abby in my arms and my heart has ached as the thought of leaving her has entered my mind. I am quickly reminded that this is something we are doing to benefit her so that she can hopefully have the wonderful blessing of being a sibling someday. I love abby and I am grateful to have her as part of my life. She is simply the most wonderful, beautiful most thoughtful little child in the whole world. I cannot tell you how many times she has comforted me in the last few weeks. She is so aware of me and my feelings. It is in her arms that I feel the most at ease about this whole situation. She seems to know everything will be fine, and for now I am leaning on her for this knowledge. I Thank my Heavenly Father every day for giving her to me, she is truly a miracle.

I am so grateful for Scott and his calming influence in my life. He has been so amazing. Never once has he made me feel like our not being able to have children is my fault. He is always stressing that this is something that we have to endure together. He is a large part of the reason that I feel as though we have endured this challenge well. There is no other person that I would want standing by my side through my trials then him. He also seems so assured that everything will work. I grateful for his quite confidence and his trust that Heavenly Father is mindful of us and knows what is best for us. I love him so much.

My sister made the comment to me this morning that I just need to have faith. I hope that it is clear that I do have faith. I have faith that Heavenly father has a plan for me and is mindful of my situation. I know that what ever happens is what is supposed to happen. I just hope that his plan aligns with mine and that we will soon be able to add another child to our family. Aside from that I can only hope and pray that I will be able to accept the outcome and deal with it the best I possibly can no matter what it is.

I have been reading many blogs lately of people who's children have passed away. I never cease to be amazed about how these people can feel such sorrow and despair, yet they are growing closer to their Heavenly father through their trials. It has been so theraputic for me to see how they handle the unbearable with such grace. It has truly helped me to be grateful for the trials I have and for the blessings in my life. I feel as though we are given trials so we can learn to lean on our Heavenly father and rely on him to comfort us through our pain.

Thank you all for your support. I feel the love of so many. I have such wonderful friends and family who are so mindful and conscious of what we have been going through as a family. I will try to keep my blog updated while I am in Texas. Feel free to call and chat as I am sure I will have tonz of free time and I will be bored out of my mind. Thanks again for everything!