Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a planner. I like to know well in advance what is going on so I can plan accordingly. Well the last month or so has been such a frustrating experience for me. My last trip to Texas did not go quite as planned leaving me uncertain as to when things were going to get going with the whole invitro thing. Up until yesterday I didn't think I was going to be able to make it to Allen's wedding in Seattle and I was really upset about that. We ended up deciding to put the whole thing off for a month so we could attend the wedding. This is bitter sweet for me. Of course I want to be at the wedding, but it has been so hard because our treatments have been put off so many times already and mentally I just need it to be over. I am so concerned that it is not going to go well and I just really would like to know the outcome NOW!
When I told Allen that I was going to be able to go he was so excited. And I just went into the other room and cried. No one really can understand what this has been like for me, and I shouldn't expect them too. But it has just been a very difficult time in life. I so appreciate those who have been so understanding of what we are going through. So many of you leave me random text messages or emails and I get phone calls all of the time. You have no idea how much I appreciate having good friends to help me get through
When I was down in Texas the last time I ended up having to stay some extra time. I was sitting in a Barnes and Noble down there, by myself waiting to find out if I was going to be able to go home or not. I had already checked out of my hotel, and I really did not have anywhere to go so I just hung out there and read. I found myself very upset and frustrated, and just as the tears started to come I got a phone call from a friend. She was just calling to see how things were. She was such an answer to a prayer that day. I felt so alone, and I was so discouraged. It meant so much to have someone to vent to and acknowledge how frustrated I was at the time.
I know that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. And I know that our family has been in so many peoples prayers. There must be some reason why things have been put off so many times. I just hope that in the meantime the wait doesn't drive me to insanity!.I am so lucky to have such a great husband. He really is so understanding and so wonderful to me. I know this is so hard for him too. I know that he does want this just as bad as I do and I appreciate all that he does to make me feel better about our situation.
Thanks for letting me vent, it feels good to let it all out.
4 comments:
I am so sorry that things are not going as planned. It makes me so sad to hear that you were sitting all by yourself in Texas sad and discouraged. I am glad to hear that your family is getting better.
I know that I have no idea what you are going through, but I do know how much a mother is capable of completely loving her children. And I know that includes unborn children. I understand that feeling that a mother gets knowing there is another child waiting to be born and how intense a love you can have for someone you have never yet met on earth. My prayers are with you, and I am not alone. I truly hope that all the efforts and sacrifices that you are making will come to fruition soon. You are an amazing woman Maria, amazing.
Maria,
Your amazing that is all that I have to say. I have known you for a short period of time, but I know that you are an amazingly strong person. I don't exactly know what you are going through, but as you know I can kinda understand. I know that Heavenly Father knows us individually and he knows what each of us can handle. He knows you are strong and will make it through this! I will pray for you and your family.
I think about you all the time. You are such a great mom to your little Abby and I know another one is waiting for you up in Heaven. He or she will come, I promise. Keep your head up and cherish every moment you have to be with Abby one-on-one. That picture of her is adorable.
Post a Comment